every second dripping off my fingertips: September 2010

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Being better can be either a difficult, or simple thing to aim for. The problem with it is that while it is general enough to make your mission somewhat more achievable, the idea of something as vast as "being better" can be daunting to some. For some of us, just to improve as a person can be a challenge because of several reasons. One of which might be the reluctance to change, or fear of change. To deviate from the daily norm and way of life becomes a fear from some of us. But, change is constant, whether within us or around us, and whether this change is positive or not depends on our own volition. We can choose to drive the people around us to do good, and become better people ourselves, or we could manipulate everyone around us to be rotten, and be rotten in doing so.

When I think about what I have to do to become a better person, I feel like the change I have to make is small, yet tough. I would have to change the way I live my life, the way I treat people, the way I react to things around me. My vocation calls for a high level of "situational awareness", so no more acting blur. Acting blur is always a way to avoid getting too involved in something you would not want to get involved in, and also a way of avoiding trouble should your feet be stuck too firmly in the soil and you were caught in the act, having to answer for your deeds. For me, the change I need is to be more receptive to things around, and not let the minor details go unnoticed. It is essential for every gentlemen to adopt this, and for those in my vocation, it is even more important in other aspects as well.

Hopefully these 3 weeks won't be wasted. I know the general takeaway that everyone wants is to be a better leader and sailor, but I want to be more. I need to be more for the people I love, so that their lives will not be a misery when the time comes. Every other post before has been like this, but never have I embarked on such a mission, and apart from it feeling like a reality-TV-life-changing show, it does feel like a significant step towards my goal. The biggest challenge has not come yet, but it is a step in the positive direction.

Other step in the positive direction was the Mahler Adagietto I attended. I saw my cello teacher and my conductor, and all the nostalgia came rushing back. My dreams of becoming the Captain of a ship feels more attainable than the list of obsessions I previously had: Doctor, Athlete, Lawyer, Actor, Director, Radio DJ, Journalist, Rock Star, Conductor.

I'm starting to dream again.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
12:47 AM