every second dripping off my fingertips: February 2010

Thursday, February 25, 2010

somewhere a clock is ticking:
1:48 AM

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

I'm sick of staying here. Life here is mundane and repetitive, and it's difficult as well. Money is hard to earn, life is hard to live. If ever I had the chance to move away, I'd go as far away as possible. According to some personality quiz thing on facebook, I'm content with my life. Perhaps that quiz thing is wrong. Perhaps I want more than sun all year round, floods on random days, traffic jams everywhere. Traffic everywhere. I want open space. Perhaps I've lived here too long.

I think I've said before in my one of my older posts that I want to live a simple life. I think that view has changed of late. I think now, I want to live a comfortable life. I guess simple never actually meant farms and chickens, just hassle free, no jams, no need to pay for everything, no need to bother about every little thing. Just living simple with no worry about deadlines and expectations. Maybe a holiday might have done me some good but again there's the money issue, and no one besides my parents would want to go with me anyway.

But what are the chances of that kind of life happening? It looks like I'm destined to stay here forever. I hope not though. Maybe one day I'll get the chance, but for now, I'll have to bite the bullet of sorts. Betray my feelings, wipe my emotions clean, become numb. I suppose that might work. Then I can live in my own idyllic world where no one can bother me. No no, I'm not being ignorant or whatever degrading thing you might conjure up in your mind. I would just prefer it if nothing bothered me.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
11:55 PM

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Army coming. I'm still fat. And my friends (namely Marcus Ting, who I met yesterday) finished their BMT already. Otherwise, it's been an okay week for me.

I went to Krupa's place to catch Law Abiding Citizen. Gerard Butler went from brutal Spartan to brainy-engineer-murderer. At first I thought there must have been some genius, inexplicable way he was going about killing these people. Like a pre-meditated, "everything is set and now people are going to systematically walk into my trap" kind of plan. My feelings were cheated slightly in the end but it was a nice movie altogether. I thought Jamie Foxx was drab in this one, and Gerard Butler's accent was incredibly obvious in this one. His muscles were the highlight of the movie (for Krupa at least), when his shirt was off, revealing his Spartan body from 300.

I want that when I come out of army. Spartan.Body.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
2:01 PM

Friday, February 12, 2010

TOP 5 THINGS TO DO AT HOME IF YOU'RE BORED WITH NOTHING TO DO (like me)

Number 5: The first thing that comes to mind when you think of "entertainment" and "explosions" is TELEVISION. Nothing beats a good show on the goggle box. I have always been an advocate of House because it never fails to crack me up and make me cry all at the same time. No no it is not an emotional rollercoaster of a show, it's just witty and critical of the human condition, of how people truly are. It is a show about truth, pain, trust, friendship and mistakes. It's also a show about medical mysteries. Of course, the next show I'd recommend is Grey's Anatomy because Daryl likes that, and we all know who likes Daryl. If you're bored early in the morning after you've woken up, you're really not satisfied with your life, are you? If so, watch ellen, by far the best daytime TV talk show ever. She's funny, she's kind, she's a lesbian, and she gives away free stuff. What could be better than that? (besides Oprah).

Number 4: If you have not been entertained by the above, perhaps you go for the less "in your face" form of entertainment, and maybe you prefer the subtlety of MUSIC. Playing music and listening to music can soothe the soul, make you happy and clear your mind of your troubles. It is especially effective if you lie in bed or on the floor, face the ceiling, and visualise the music and the lyrics. You might even want to play air-guitar or air-conduct, for those classical music buffs out there. I particularly like to conduct Haydn's Symphony 104 (London). No no, I did not like it when I was studying it, I only liked it more after the exam. Relax MEPers, I'm still cool.

Number 3: It's probably lunch time now, if you've tried the above, and still find that you're bored out of your wits. So I suggest you have lunch, before your wits are really depleted. After which, you can move on to my actual suggestion which is to USE THE COMPUTER. Technology can be very useful, and very bitchy, so approach with caution. The internet can be fun (yes, you heard me), but it can also be rather annoying if you get interruptus. I would advise against getting annoyed, lest you smash your keyboard and modem in fits of anger, thereby ensuring you will never visit YouTube ever again. You might also damage your hard drive, soft drive, floppy drive and disc drive, condemning you to a life of no Goong. Oh the horror.

Number 2: We are now one away from the number first position on my list, so let us take a look at the even even more subtle and sophisticated forms of entertainment. READING A GOOD BOOK not only enriches the mind, it entertains for hours on end, and for the average couch potato, it's fantastic for killing time until dinner. People think finding a good book is difficult, but sometimes it is not about the quality of the material. In this case, it is how much you are entertained. If you're reading a good book, then congratulations. You get to 1) enhance your brain power, 2) expand your horizons, 3) enjoy a good story, 4) evoke essential emotions. Excellent.

And, if all else fails, here's THE NUMBER ONE SOLUTION TO YOUR BOREDOM! *drum rollllll*

Sleep.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
10:29 PM

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I woke up feeling bummy today, but I had to had to had to get out cos I needed to hand in my university application. I suppose I was led to believe that I NEEEEEEDED to stamp my photocopied documents to certify official. Well at least, that was what my teacher told me. So I dragged Krupa by the leash to school today to get the necessary verification. I later realised (upon calling the admissions office) that it was not necessary. And the school require 3 working days to get it stamped. I guess one day is to pull out the cover, then the next day is for putting it on the ink pad, and the last day to actually put it on the paper. Efficiency at its very best.

We let the nostalgia of the school wash over us as we walked around school getting stuff photocopied and confirmed. We managed to run into CX along the corridor (several times, I might add), and we also met him at the photocopying station, where there was some kinky flirting going on with the Uncle Tony. Yeah you heard me. It was spine chilling, and at the same time bone tickling.

After which we let the nostalgia consume us as we consumed nostalgic school food. I didn't want to take my usual meepok because I ALWAYS eat that anyway. I can have it any time. The auntie loves me. So I had the donburi. Krupa had it too. Once again I joked with him about what type of meat it was. He's used to it already.

And at last we went to NUS to complete the necessary application procedure, and of course Krupa had to let his eyes roam. I told him he could let them roam all he wanted if he came with me to Naomi's lecture, but just as well, I had an exciting time sitting alone with Naomi. And Nash.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
10:47 PM

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The days leading up to Chinese New Year have been fun and sad at the same time. Not that the days are over yet, but this is the general impression so far. It's been fun because I've been at home watching Goong, the Korean drama so graciously thrust upon me to watch, so as to brainwash me into being TRULY Asian. Yet, I've been somewhat lonely being stuck at home with no movies or theme parks to go to. Besides my trips out to meet people and reading at Starbucks, that's all I've been up to. Yes, I know I should have found a job. I got that a long time ago.

Speaking of Koreans, I showed Krupa an image of Yoon Eun Hye.

Me: *smiles widely* *stares at her pretty face*

Krupa: hmm, show me another picture. This one she looks.. *shrugs* I don't know.

Me: *goes back to google images* this one?

Krupa: *pause* We have different tastes. Definitely.

So my attempt to make Krupa TRULY Asian as well crash and burned. I guess the ICS (Indian Cultural Society) made him Asian enough. I shall not aspire to change him further, but I wonder what kind of Asian girl he really likes.

I also wonder why everyone's so stressed out about Uni Apps. My friends have fallen victim to the omg-everyone-else-in-school-got-so-damn-fucking-high-in-IB-that-I-can't-go-anywhere-cos-of-them disease. My answer to this has ranged from comforting to explaining to giving up altogether. What's there to be worried about? Given what I've been taught, it's better to just try, live and let be, and enjoy it. I've been doing that faithfully by watching the Korean drama and distracting myself with the internet. It's not that I don't care, I just don't see any point in being miserable.

Right now, the only thing that's really nagging me still is my skin. After 19 years, you'd think the wind would actually blow in my direction, but noooooo. As much as I would like a miracle, House doesn't exist and even he would be bored with my case. I must say, over the years my confidence has taken a beating, but I try not to let it affect me. Lately I've realised that more and more but it will take some time before I get back my mojo. Thinking of this reminds me of the time I was still competing, in the twilight years of my career, where I would get the nerves. Even on the block, I would shake. I never used to get the nerves before, which was why I got afraid and shocked even more. I wanted to fight, but my body froze up. I tried to work hard to get back my fitness but I just couldn't regain my form. I suppose the damage done was too great, and somehow, I felt that I had to give up, at least to pursue my studies. Perhaps now I feel like I could have done more, but what's done is done. Now I have this life, and in this life, I'm not giving up so easily (as seen in my remarkable comeback in a famous examination).

So I guess now it's out. For all you people who wondered a long time ago "where's Gareth? Why did he quit?" This is your answer. If I have blogged about this before, then this post is to show you some Circle of Life thing, where I revisit random stuff in my past for fun. Boy does that sound familiar.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
3:51 PM

Monday, February 8, 2010

Yesterday I took a trip down Naomi's memory lane, of sorts. I discovered her true fan girl nature when I went through her archives. I shall not reveal any further details, lest she come over to my place and slice my limbs off. I like the coming over to my place part but besides that, nahhh.

Anyway, after the long long post I had yesterday, I don't have much more to write about today. Naomi has her essay to write so she's looking for inspiration over here. All I can say is the literature on this blog is BAD. Perhaps I should go watch more plays so that I can come back over here to review and criticise. Or maybe I should criticise the Bond movie I'm watching now. Finally a movie shown on 5 isn't "Presented in widescreen", otherwise Bond would be a skinny Bond. I had to watch Pirates yesterday in "widescreen", as if Keira Knightley wasn't skinny enough to begin with.

Right now I happen to be dying from the sexually connotative dialogue of Die Another Day. I'm finding it difficult to live up to that. Honestly I don't think anyone can save the James Bond franchise. The new bond isn't even suave and sophisticated any longer. What happened to the martini-sipping, debonair British secret agents? Oh well, I suppose no one can save them now.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
11:29 PM

Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Med Faculty's production surprised me somewhat. I guess Naomi was not as surprised as I was because she told me "med students have ALL the talent, it sucks". I did not know that was a naturally occurring phenomena, until I thought of House. I sincerely thought he was zee ohnlee vahn! (the only one, you noobs who don't watch Russell Peters)

Being my usual, critical self, I thought the vocals of the main characters were recorded and they were lip-synching during the opening number. Obviously I was wrong. I suppose the general word to describe the rest of the musical (as well as this post) is 'surprise'. I never expected a bunch of med students to be so talented. Okay I might be giving them too much credit, but it does remind me of what my group tried, but did not have the opportunity to complete. So the first song "Shine On" was rather HSM-like (it appears again at the end of the production in typical HSM style), with your solos from the stars and impressive vocals from the supporting cast (as Naomi puts it, CALEFARES, but I'm nicer). It ends with the large scale dance number you see in practically every professionally produced musical. Yes you heard me, PROFESSIONAL. The dance was not Disney perfect, but it was well choreographed and timed to near perfection, save for a few screw ups expected here and there.

In between there were other musical numbers that I fail to recall because I'm just like that. I wonder how I managed to survive IB. But let's not dwell on that now. The next number I can at least vaguely recall is "Pretty Me", the introduction of Miss Popular, bitchy beauty queen 'Tiffany'. The music composed was textbook, and yet it fit perfectly into the style of a university level musical production that managed to blow my mind, although that might be because my mind hasn't quite experienced the truly amazing. The blocking and dancing added to the genius of this broadway style musical number. As a student run project, it was brilliant.

"A Tumour in my Brain" was the next number to be implanted in my memory (I made a doctor joke!) depicting a love filled argument between Mervyn and Eugenia, the Beauty and the Geek with the gender reversed. The music was done in the style of a tango, with dancers appearing on stage and the characters engaging in a 'lovers' feud' around them. Well actually at this point, they're not quite "lovers" yet. Anyway, the singing and acting was great in this one, and once again the songwriting helped to make it my favourite number.

By far our most favourite character was Mervyn, cos he's funny *swoons*. The scriptwriting was excellent for his act-smart-act-suave-act-cool character that was so cheesy and stereotypical, it would have been a disaster if the acting was done badly. Fortunately, his acting was up-there. Naomi liked the singing guy at the end, during the 'Gala dinner' scene. He's actually one of the useless wannabes that follow Tiffany around. I don't know what you see in him, Naomi. And according to her, they all hunch. Bad posture=bad stage presence. Also, Tiffany starts backing off (she walks backwards a little) when she threatens people. Not very threatening, and ultimately a flaw in the acting. But screw that, it was great fun, and the best student-run musical I've seen so far.

Today,

Denise: HAHA I can totally imagine you screaming "CHARGE!", and when they all run off, you go "HAHA losers".

Me: ya.

Me: Brandon will yell "CHARGE!", and he'll be the only one doing it.

Denise: *laughs hysterically*

somewhere a clock is ticking:
5:25 PM

Friday, February 5, 2010

I'm beginning to dislike myself more and more everyday. It's not just to do with my body now. Every time something slips out of my mouth, I feel like an idiot for letting it. I do and say things I don't mean to and I end up beating myself up about it. I resent the way my body is, and what it makes me do, but I should not let it control my life. There seems to be a barrier within and around me that is preventing me from being good and better as a person. I find it hard to live my life properly now.

My insecurity has led me to believe all this, but am I wrong? Am I really better than all this? Surely these poignant questions do not help much to show how it truly feels inside of me, but this is as far as language takes me. I would like to believe I am capable of being happy and being good to the people I love but somehow there's a chain holding me to the ground, like the devil is pulling me back, pulling me away from the people I love.

I'm frightened.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
10:58 PM

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I can't believe I'm going in in ONE month, and I still have my skin problem. Not to mention it comes at a time when my significant other has several crucial milestone events in her life. I guess every other guy has encountered this, so like the rest, I'll just have to put up with it. Alternatively, I could break out, but that means prison so I'll go for the big picture.

At this point in my life, I think it is important that I learn some degree of control and maturity, and I believe the army might offer me that. I do not know what lies ahead for me but I suppose everything will turn out fine. As for the army, I think I'll have things I can look at that will tide me over during the difficult parts. Silver bands of surgical steel.

But now something is bugging me. The bloody skin. And I have no mood to do anything because this is bugging me. I'm getting worried I'll have to carry out the cream application regimen all through my 2 years. Which sucks.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
2:46 AM