every second dripping off my fingertips

Sunday, July 26, 2009

The difference between curiosity and comfort is that while one gives us the answers, it may not necessarily offer us the serenity we most innately desire. This is a weakness we all share, and sadly it is also part of the human condition to want comfort and peace with our inner most being. On the other hand, it is safe to say that comfort is derived from satisfaction, as part of the logical deduction that knowing everything will gratify our desires, quench the thirst of our mind, and allow us to solve the puzzle. Surely, there is nothing better than knowing all the answers to all our questions. But is it possible to be happy without knowing?

There lies an intrigue, an insistence of deflection, yet brimming with convoluted thoughts of whether to walk away, or be cheated into an illusion when some emo junkie asks us to "pick a card, any card". We don't want to be cheated, but we want to be fascinated. We don't want to trust, or believe, the fan of cards before us, even as it taunts us with the red and white flowers falling in a symmetry, so perfect that our innermost desires to be amazed take precedence over dismissing this as "just another trick". We pick anyway because of the underlying weakness of the human condition. Just to test the water. We are told to put the card back in the deck, which lures us into the next step of the card trick, and now we are at the complete mercy of the magician. We look on nervously as the magician does his magic, and as the trick unfolds before our eyes, we wait of the Prestige: the great reveal, the sudden moment of sheer amazement.

"How did he do that?!" Always the first thing we ask. Yet we know we won't get the answer. We ask anyway because we're too dumbfounded to figure out something else to say. We also ask because we're selfish, because it is much more comforting to think that we care and hopefully find the answer. The magician himself would be amazed if you didn't even contemplate why or how it worked, which is why it is perfectly normal for us to doubt, to judge, to ask and question. Trust doesn't work that way. It is a strong word, and in many ways, stronger than believing. Trusting the magician with your feelings is a lot harder than just believing you will be amazed by the end of the trick, because neither you nor he will know when the trick, for lack of a better word, screws up. Believing gives us emotional insurance in case an accident happens. Trusting holds our feelings hostage, but the reward at the end of the day is always better.

Faith works the same way trust. It is not the same as hope even though the two are synonyms, because of the way "sitting and waiting" works. We sit and wait because we want to be patient while the results unfold before us, while the magician is doing his trick. But at the same time, we are not doing anything, simply because we are waiting. Here I suggest that we sit, but not wait. While the card trick is being performed, it is always nice to share the moment with a friend. Of course, that friend or otherwise will need to reciprocate: sit and not wait. By the end of the trick, they will both be amazed, and even more amazed because they shared this amazement together. Faith encompasses sitting and not waiting. Hope just waits around like a homeless man waiting for money to fall in his hat, when he should be looking through Recruit instead. This is why people say "hope is a waking man's dream", and why people "have faith in God", not hope. You don't have to hope in him, but having faith in him means doing something about it as well. Consequently, you will do the things that drive your faith because of what you know to be right, trusting that at the end of the journey, you will get what you came for.

These statements are by no means definitive or even factual by any standards, but they are true to me. And because I will never know the absolute truth, I just need to have faith in what I already know, and trust the magician.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
12:02 AM