every second dripping off my fingertips: July 2009

Sunday, July 26, 2009

The difference between curiosity and comfort is that while one gives us the answers, it may not necessarily offer us the serenity we most innately desire. This is a weakness we all share, and sadly it is also part of the human condition to want comfort and peace with our inner most being. On the other hand, it is safe to say that comfort is derived from satisfaction, as part of the logical deduction that knowing everything will gratify our desires, quench the thirst of our mind, and allow us to solve the puzzle. Surely, there is nothing better than knowing all the answers to all our questions. But is it possible to be happy without knowing?

There lies an intrigue, an insistence of deflection, yet brimming with convoluted thoughts of whether to walk away, or be cheated into an illusion when some emo junkie asks us to "pick a card, any card". We don't want to be cheated, but we want to be fascinated. We don't want to trust, or believe, the fan of cards before us, even as it taunts us with the red and white flowers falling in a symmetry, so perfect that our innermost desires to be amazed take precedence over dismissing this as "just another trick". We pick anyway because of the underlying weakness of the human condition. Just to test the water. We are told to put the card back in the deck, which lures us into the next step of the card trick, and now we are at the complete mercy of the magician. We look on nervously as the magician does his magic, and as the trick unfolds before our eyes, we wait of the Prestige: the great reveal, the sudden moment of sheer amazement.

"How did he do that?!" Always the first thing we ask. Yet we know we won't get the answer. We ask anyway because we're too dumbfounded to figure out something else to say. We also ask because we're selfish, because it is much more comforting to think that we care and hopefully find the answer. The magician himself would be amazed if you didn't even contemplate why or how it worked, which is why it is perfectly normal for us to doubt, to judge, to ask and question. Trust doesn't work that way. It is a strong word, and in many ways, stronger than believing. Trusting the magician with your feelings is a lot harder than just believing you will be amazed by the end of the trick, because neither you nor he will know when the trick, for lack of a better word, screws up. Believing gives us emotional insurance in case an accident happens. Trusting holds our feelings hostage, but the reward at the end of the day is always better.

Faith works the same way trust. It is not the same as hope even though the two are synonyms, because of the way "sitting and waiting" works. We sit and wait because we want to be patient while the results unfold before us, while the magician is doing his trick. But at the same time, we are not doing anything, simply because we are waiting. Here I suggest that we sit, but not wait. While the card trick is being performed, it is always nice to share the moment with a friend. Of course, that friend or otherwise will need to reciprocate: sit and not wait. By the end of the trick, they will both be amazed, and even more amazed because they shared this amazement together. Faith encompasses sitting and not waiting. Hope just waits around like a homeless man waiting for money to fall in his hat, when he should be looking through Recruit instead. This is why people say "hope is a waking man's dream", and why people "have faith in God", not hope. You don't have to hope in him, but having faith in him means doing something about it as well. Consequently, you will do the things that drive your faith because of what you know to be right, trusting that at the end of the journey, you will get what you came for.

These statements are by no means definitive or even factual by any standards, but they are true to me. And because I will never know the absolute truth, I just need to have faith in what I already know, and trust the magician.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
12:02 AM

Thursday, July 16, 2009

somewhere a clock is ticking:
8:57 PM

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '99, (or '09 in our case, but it's not part of the lyrics)

Wear Sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists,

Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my

Own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice

Now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth.

Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power

And beauty of your youth until they've faded.

But trust me, in twenty years, you'll look back at photos of yourself

And recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you

And how fabulous you really looked.

You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future

Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as
Trying to solve an algebra equation

By chewing bubble gum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things

That never crossed your worried mind:

The kind that blindsides you at 4p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other peoples' hearts;

Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy.

Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind,

The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults;

If you succeed in doing this,

Tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.

The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22

What they wanted to do with their lives.

Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll divorce at 40.

Maybe you'll dance the "Funky Chicken" on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much,

Or berate yourself either.

Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can.

Don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it;

It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance.

Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room,

Read the directions even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines,

They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents:

You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings: they are your best link to your past,

And the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,

But with a precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle for

As the older you get, the more you need the people you knew

When you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths:

Prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old

And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young,

Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble,

And children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.

Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse,

But you'll never know when either one will run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.

Advice is a form of nostalgia: dispensing it is a way of

Fishing the past from the disposal,

Wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and

Recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Baz Luhrmann - Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

somewhere a clock is ticking:
7:15 PM

Thursday, July 2, 2009

"The Call"

It started out as a feeling,

Which then grew into a hope,

Which then turned into a quiet thought,

Which then turned into a quiet word.

And then that word grew louder and louder

Till it was a battle cry:

I'll come back when you call me,

No need to say goodbye.

Just because everything's changing

Doesn't mean it's never been this way before.

All you can do is try to know who your friends are

As you head off to the war.

Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light.

You'll come back when it's over,

No need to say goodbye.

Now we're back to the beginning;

It's just a feeling and no one knows yet,

But just because they can't feel it too

Doesn't mean that you have to forget.

Let your memories grow stronger and stronger

Till they're before your eyes.

You'll come back when they call you,

No need to say goodbye.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
12:16 PM