every second dripping off my fingertips: March 2009

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Don't ask me why I'm posting at this hour.

Ok fine I'll tell you anyway. I slept earlier so now I'm up, supposedly being productive (not a sexual metaphor), supposedly doing all the backlog that was due ages ago.

I'm up now, thinking. 18 years have passed and what have I done with my life that is noteworthy, that is worth a standing ovation. Nothing. Yes you say that I expect too much of myself, but I don't. See the paradox here: I am disappointed I have not contributed exceptionally to my gene pool, but at the same time, I never expected to. Where is this ambivalence coming from? Is it Hesse or Jungian theory?

18 years have allowed me to feel a kaleidoscope of emotions. It has given me a taste of estatic victory (Jaiho!), deep infatuation, utter disappointment and even betrayal. The nostalgia at 2am on a Thursday morning only reminds me of the ephemeral, because anything else wouldn't be befitting of a teenager whose hormones are on speeeeeed.

Snow Patrol's songs are catalytic in nature as well. The Run's and You Could Be Happy's make me want to Set the Fire to the Umpteenth Bar so that I can just burn these away. These, being the memories of failure, unsound decision and opportunities that flew over my head.

Go away, my shadow.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
2:06 AM

Thursday, March 19, 2009

For all Liverpool fans, today's article on page B9 of The Straits Times is just for you.

Today being the 19th of March, Thursday.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
8:58 PM

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Hello sick people and their loved ones. Unfortunately, Dr House isn't in right now, but you have one of his biggest fans here (ok maybe not as big as some people *glares at Naomi*, but my ego is big enough to fill this blog space). Actually, that last sentence deserves to be outside the bracket.

Some people have their ego so big it fills an entire networking website.

I've been heavily critical of hypocrisy in the past, but I also understand that hypocrisy governs the world, and people. So do lies, deceit and money. Surely this is somewhat cynical but cynicism has enabled me to look deeper, and see what people really are, understand how people think, and why they do what they do. Hypocrisy prevails because the lie is always better than the truth. We know that people would rather hear the lie because it makes us look better. It makes us something we're not, and people like to see that. They like to see the good stuff. Eventually, they will believe the admirable, affable, virtuous people that we pretend to be.

Exactly the reason why I'm cynical, so that I can see past that pitiful mask people wear. The mask that hides the wrong we do, the things we are guilty for. And when people see past that mask, that lie, then what do we do? We lie some more, so that it seems as though we're looking for absolution. We pretend (again) that we're going to change, become a better person, do good deeds, donate to charity. For what? To feed our selfish ways, gratify our egotistical needs. It supposedly takes the guilt away from the 'evil' we've done, and yet we knowingly do it again, because beneath the pretty mask is the same old ugly, pathetic excuse for a person.

Everything good becomes tainted with lies, and I feel quite sorry for the group of people who indulge your selfish whim. Talk is cheap. Yours is. It really is.

There is sight in blindness though. I just hope people choose to see the right behind the wrong, the truth behind the lie.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
7:30 PM

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Just attended OMM's Symphonie Espagnole, and all I can say (and can afford to say) now is that it was delightfully delicate, and brilliant when it needed to be brilliant. Well done.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
11:38 PM

Monday, March 2, 2009

People make mistakes, then people regret those mistakes. It's because people are weak. They do what they want to do which makes them happy, and then after that instant, gratifying moment, they realise that they've been selfish. Selfish not only because they did it for themselves, they did it at the expense of others. Surely, this is called "being a jerk".

Self-restraint is the answer. But first the entire being has to change. How? If I knew that, I wouldn't need to be in school anymore. I wouldn't need to be emo-ing (or not, I hope) here. So, the verdict out now is, people don't change, but their choices change. Hopefully, eventually, this will cause the being to change. Think short-run, long-run.

Stop the inflation of ego.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
12:59 AM