every second dripping off my fingertips: April 2008
Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Ladies and Gentlemen,

The masks we wear, everyday when we leave the house, when we meet the people we know. They're not really 'us'. It's not 'us' at all. Let me break it down for you.

Firstly, we put on masks to hide the fact that we're inadequate and utterly useless. It's important that we do this because we don't want other people to look down on us. We can't take the backlash, the ridicule, the insults. We want to look good. We need to look good. It is the way society is run.

Secondly, we put on masks to appeal, and more often than not, we get so carried away with 'being ourselves' that we become the exact opposite. Essentially, we try to hard to be people that we're not. Why do we do this? Again, because we want to be accepted, to feel needed. If we don't feel needed in a community like ours, then what is our purpose? Where do we fit in then? The urge and utmost desire to 'fit in' forces us to conform to other people's ideals. Mostly our friends.

But, is it worth it? Is it worth being someone you're not? Well of course it is (unfortunately). You must realise that I only say this because, this is our world. We made it this way. We chose to judge people, stereotype, ridicule, and make people outcasts. And what makes this worse is that now we do it unknowingly. Why? So that we can conform, and be 'cool'. We fool people into thinking we're generous, kind, trustworthy, friendly. But by doing this, we more or less plot our own downfall. Of course this is because people behave in such a way: First, they like what they see, and become attracted to it. Once they are entirely drawn into something, they choose to explore something deeper, something more meaningful, because a familiar face fails to invoke interest anymore. And then, when the true character, identity, and personality of a person is revealed, the aftertaste is as bad as blended papaya juice.

So in the end, it is important to realise that looks count for a lot in this world, but they only go so far. Of course some of you will disagree on this, but in order for a relationship to have meaning, to be fulfilling, there has to be a certain level of understanding between the two parties. One way a relationship progresses is where both parties are able to constantly and actively engage in effective communication which is always enriching. "Enriching" encompasses being able to enjoy each other's company and being able to take something out of it, be it a lesson learnt (from that person's personality to almost anything) or just another good feeling in the pit of your stomach.

Even though people choose to judge you or stereotype you even before they met you, don't get angry. Anger is never the answer. As cliche as that sounds, it's true. So the way of going about this is to always remember that in this life, the way people feel about you doesn't count as much as the way you make them see the goodness in you. People don't bother to give a second look if you're not good looking, or you're not 'cool', but overreacting and overdoing things is not the way to go. The way to go, is to make sure you are who you want to be, who you choose to be, and that you show this side of yourself, not the side that inadvertently inflicts pain, or shows the warped ideas you have about the human psyche.

That is all.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
8:41 PM

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

[Chorus]
I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you, I'll always have you)

I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could

Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind

[Chorus]

(Just like a tattoo, I'll always have you
I'll always have you)

[Bridge]
If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do

[Chorus X2]

Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you

-Jordin Sparks



It says a lot doesn't it.. It brings back memories, but it's all worth it... At least the good ones are.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
10:36 PM

Drifting away. Such a long day.

Vishnu you better return me my thumb drive ah...

Ok at least there was free ice-cream today (x2). Ben & Jerry's. Not bad.

Had an interesting and intellectual conversation with Benedict today. I love things like this.

It looks as though my thoughts are... Disjoint, confused. Well, it is. At least I am.

Being confused or stressed or depressed is one thing. Being disillusioned with life is another.

I might not be cut out for IB. In every sense of the word.

Oh well... (I always say "oh well" don't I?)

One important quote today... "Love is blind, but friendship closes its eyes."

somewhere a clock is ticking:
9:55 PM

Monday, April 28, 2008

There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another
To another


The Fray

somewhere a clock is ticking:
8:45 PM

Saturday, April 26, 2008

I know it's really foolish, but I was really foolish. You have no idea how it is. Whenever I'm just reminded of it (even unconsciously), I'm filled with immense regret. Yes it's cliched. But it's all true.

I woke up this morning and I thought about it, and all those feelings came rushing back. It was a long time ago but I can still remember how it felt like. It was a long time ago but I still feel the pain, the regret, the disappointment. It makes me feel so stupid, so foolish. You have no idea what I would give to turn back the clock and make things right.

I might not remember the way you walk, the way you talk. But I remember the times we had, and how it felt like. And it just makes me so frustrated... Now all I'm left with is the feeling of how it all could've been. And how it'll never be the same again.

Well it's too late now isn't it? And why think, or talk about it now? Well, because I want to be reminded. Memories are there for you to... enjoy, and relive those moments... and also to remind you of the mistakes you've made, so that you'll feel the pain of that mistake, and hopefully never ever do it again.

In fact the pain that comes with it, is just a side effect... ...


Looking at your picture from when we first met
You gave me a smile that I could never forget
And nothing I could do could protect me from you that night

Wrapped around your finger, always on my mind
The days would blend 'cause we stayed up all night
Yeah, you and I were everything, everything to me

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

All the doors are closing I'm tryin' to move ahead
And deep inside I wish it's me instead
My dreams are empty from the day, the day you slipped away

I just want you to know that I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

That since I lost you, I lost myself
No I can't fake it, there's no one else

I just want you to know
That I've been fighting to let you go
Some days I make it through and then there's nights that never end
I wish that I could believe that there's a day you'll come back to me
But still I have to say I would do it all again
Just want you to know

somewhere a clock is ticking:
4:39 PM

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air
Oh

I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand

But how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus:]
Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel when I know you ain't there
It's no air, no air
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real

But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

So how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus]

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No more
It's no air, no air

[Chorus x2]

No air, air
No air, air
No air, air
No air, air

- Jordin Sparks (feat. Chris Brown)


Dedicated to the man who isn't having it so easy right now... All the best.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
11:03 PM

People having problems all over the place. Well, if we didn't have problems, wouldn't our lives be boring? Hahaha... Ok so anyway, the highlight tonight is American Idol.

American Idol - Channel 5 telecast, Thurs 24 April.

Carly Smithson and Syesha Marcado in the bottom 2. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought I'd see Carly there. What on Earth were you thinking America? As hard as it is to believe, she's there. Ok so here's what I thought of their performances.

Syesha - What a way to start off the show. Very 'broadway'. And lots of people liked it. I'm sure. She showed a whole new side of her which neither the judges nor the audience has seen before. She worked the stage like a pro, and she was definitely comfortable, like she was in her own element.

Carly - Business as usual for her. However there was something lacking from her performance. She failed to show enough character and she lacked that little 'something' which gives the audience something new to look forward to every week. Carly is vocally very strong, and the audience expects this every week, so now she needs to show a connection with the song and the audience.

Oh well...

Considering Syesha was the one who was in the bottom few the most often, it comes as a shock to most of us that Carly leaves the show. She's a great singer. And honestly, I just don't get it.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
10:43 PM

Monday, April 21, 2008

Quiz :
Set your music player on shuffle.
Press forward for each question.
Use the song title as the answer to the question even if they don't make sense.
You'll be surprised though.
Absolutely no cheating . (:

How are you feeling today?
Believe - Cher

Will you get far in life?
Ass Like That - Eminem

How do your friends see you?
Inside Your Heaven - Carrie Underwood

Will you get married?
Summer Nights - Lil' Rob

What is your best friend's theme song?
Again and Again - Jewel

What is the story of your life?
Karma - Alicia Keys

What was/is high school like?
Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

How can you get ahead in life?
Grazed Knees - Snow Patrol

What is the best thing about your friends?
Say The Same - Hoobastank

What is today going to be like?
I Drive Myself Crazy - N Sync

What is in store for this weekend?
Burn Out Bright - Switchfoot

What song describes you?
Lazy Gun - Jet

To describe your grandparents?
Is It Any Wonder? - Keane

How is your life going?
Better Than Me - Hinder

What song will be playing at your funeral?
Cloud Number Nine - Bryan Adams

How does the world see you?
Heaven - The Rapture

Will you have a happy life?
White Light - Gorillaz

What do your friends really think of you?
The Scientist - Coldplay

Do people secretly lust after you?
Wiseman - James Blunt

How can I make myself happy?
Big Big World - Emilia

What should you do with your life?
Sweetest Goodbye - Maroon 5

Will you ever have children?
Only Time - Enya

somewhere a clock is ticking:
6:30 PM

Friday, April 18, 2008

It really is indeed. Today was probably the most eventful day of the week.

Let me begin with the end. The end of school that is.

Ok so here's how it went. Abhi, JY, Ariel and Anton were going to play pool at Paradiz. Abhi asked me if I wanted to come. Being the usual moron that I am (because I waste so much time), I said ok.

So we went. (Of course this is the point where people think "hey they don't have a change of clothes so how can they go in?" but obviously it took us a little longer.) The ride in the car on the way there was one of the most interesting car rides I have had in a long time. We turned on our "gather-around-the-campfire-and-tell-embarrassing-stories/anecdotes-of-ourselves" mode on. Unfortunately for us (by us I mean JY and Abhi), JY and Ahbi were the only ones telling us the weird and 'messed up' stories. Boy oh boy were they messed up.

Then we reached Paradiz, got out of Ariel's driver's car, and went inside, looking for a place to play pool. We then realised "hey we don't have a change of clothes". Of course the law states that NO ONE in school uniform is allowed inside. Fair enough. Then we realised that Anton lived near school and we could have borrowed his clothes. How convenient. And so we bummed around more, nearly went to watch a movie, and then we settled down to eat at McDonalds. Here where the interesting galavanting part of the day begins.

So Ariel had the usual magic tricks up his sleeve. You must realise that this ability of his has increased his laid factor 2 fold. And so with brilliant minds like ourselves, we decided that he should show it to some of the strangers in Macs. If he got lucky, he could also get some girl's number. Brilliant eh? Well Ariel, was... Well... Shy... I mean, c'mon, don't blame him. It was weird. Of course people like Abhi wouldn't mind because of our thick skin. Haha...

And so to persuade Ariel to actually do it, Ahbi decided to do it with him. They approached 2 girls at a table, and showed them the goods. Alright maybe only Ariel did. Abhi sorta became his accomplice but the main attraction was still Ariel. I have to say, the dynamic duo did pull it off.

They went round Plaza Sing, on a roll, 'performing' for countless number of girls. I mean... People. I guess the best part was seeing the reaction on their faces, after being showed a great trick/sleight of hand. Sure, they had the occasional difficult audience but it was definitely a great experience for Ariel, to mature as a street magician. You've finally come out of your box Ariel. Well done.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
7:56 PM

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Ping, your nonsense is spreading everywhere in my life. Now Claire (from church) has started to MAOWR.... what on earth man... There is no link between church and school, so how did it spread there? My goodness...

arghhh I really feel like a slacker you know. Couch potato. Bum.

Oh well. No time to say anything else really. Or maybe I'm choosing not to reveal everything. Either way, the things that are on my mind - the things that linger there, the memories - shouldn't be put down here (not for the reason that you're thinking of right now, but because I really shouldn't be doing it).

That is all.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
10:40 PM

Thursday, April 10, 2008










The Conservatory Orchestra
Wang Ya-Hui, Music Director
Qian Zhou, Violin

Program
BARBER - Adagio for Strings, Op. 11
KORNGOLD - Violin Concerto in D major, Op. 35
TCHAIKOVSKY - Symphony No. 4 in F minor, Op. 36

Qian Zhou, Head of Strings at the Yong Siew Toh Conservatory, takes centrestage in Korngold’s lushly romantic Violin Concerto in D major, first written for and premiered by legendary violinist Jascha Heifetz in 1947. The orchestra will also perform Barber’s poetic Adagio for Strings and Tchaikovsky’s Fourth Symphony.


What a concert it was... Ok it wasn't that fantastic but we did get to listen to some good music. There was the occasional irritating people in the audience (I'm sure Steph will testify to that) but it was overall a commendable performance from the Conservatory.The delivery of the first piece, the Adagio for Strings, was brilliant. Plenty of feeling, and Wang Ya-Hui was, as usual, full of energy. Well played.
For the Korngold, I have to say that it wasn't as good as it should have been. It was obvious that the piece was difficult to handle, not only for the Conservatory Orchestra, but also for soloist Qian Zhou. But it was a valiant attempt nonetheless.
Then came the Tchaikovsky. Wonderful piece this is. No. 4 in F minor. The first movement began well, with a brilliant Allegro vivo end. But the movement I was waiting for was the third movement. Pizzicato ostinato. As much as I was in sweet anticipation of it, it did not turn out as well as i had hoped. I think Ming Jie and I both agree that that movement was the most difficult. Getting pizzicatos together at such a tempo is nonsense. And the players suffered. Violins weren't together in the desks, and they also weren't together with the lower strings.
I have to say that the cello section was brilliant throughout the concert (yes this is a biased comment). It was the section which was the most together, even though some of them looked lost at times (sounds familiar huh?).

That was Wednesday. Today, Thursday, was Lee Suan Yew day. Yes and because the teachers failed to get high profile performers to come and entertain a difficult crowd such as the ACS audience, they decided to ask MRT ride (the Centrestage production) to perform again.


Yes.... We tamed the ACS crowd. In the words of JY, "we fed off their energy".


Brilliant. But then Asher told me later that our energy was low, so I don't know. Haha.


What a week... =P


Thank you once again to the following people.

  • Cast and crew of "An MRT Ride"
  • Mr Ferdinand Quek and Mr Brian Connor, for their wonderful advice (and castrating our play)
  • Zombies and Make-up artists
But special thanks once again to Mr Ferd Quek, because he was the one who made it happen, and who gave us another chance. And for doing our make-up. And for the brilliant stage directions. And for the dinner at Pizza Hut. Ok I'm done.

somewhere a clock is ticking:
9:09 PM

Friday, April 4, 2008

Well today turned out like any other ordinary day. Teacher's getting frustrated, homework left undone, more homework to be left undone. Good thing is, tomorrow is Saturday. But tomorrow's Saturday turns out to be the day where doing homework is improbable.


The World Swim Against Malaria event, an initiative of the Against Malaria Foundation (AMF).

What a great event this is, to raise money to buy mosquito nets for children and their mothers in Africa.


Swimming for charity. Brilliant.


The CAS hours don't mean anything when you get to do something you love for charity. Yes I know I might not be swimming anymore but that doesn't mean I've begun to dislike swimming. It has always been my passion.


But don't count on a comeback. Yet. And don't bet that I'll be back doing 1500s again. Ain't gonna happen.




The dude, he said that, like, when we were making the first Linkin Park record
He was like,
"Yeah you know, I don't know about the rapping like, I don't know... maybe you should just be a rock band."
You know what I mean, like, trying to change us
like they signed us as an act like what we sound like and then he's like
"Oh I don't know maybe you should just play keyboard"

Before the first song that you heard me on
There were people already tryin' to get me gone
Tellin' me to quit rapping
"Just play the keys"
That my band had a singer
They didn't need me
But my band had my back
So we did the tracks
Put out the album and the talk went flat
It was funny at first but then the humour faded
When some magazines printed that our label made us
We were to be good to be true
Some were saying ghost writers were writin' all that we do
So we had to disprove it
We spelled it out to the detail how we do it when we're making this music
After that I made it a rule
I only do e-mail responses to print interviews
Because these people love to put a twist to your words
To infer that you said something fucking absurd

Oh, did I lose you at infer?
Not used to hearing a verse that uses over first grade vocabulary words?
People used to infer that we were manufactured
Now I've got the interviews on file
Which people said what
Which number to dial
So now every enemy screaming insanity
All they're ever gonna be's another big fan of me


Fort Minor

somewhere a clock is ticking:
6:24 PM

Thursday, April 3, 2008

You don't need anxiety and problems. All you really seek is a conflict free environment which can offer peace and mental security. You don't like the idea of being alone and, whatever the reason, at this time of your life you feel as if you are being 'left out'. What you really need is perhaps some 'tender loving care'.

Now there are many things in life that you require as essential to your well-being but, try as you may, something always seems to be getting in your way. A word of advice - 'keep trying' and you may be pleasantly surprised to see just how matters turn out.

You feel truly deprived - not getting your fair share, but you have accepted the fact that that is the way things are at this time and that it is prudent to let matters slide and not hit your head against the wall -so conform and agree for a while. Accept the situation - nothing can last forever.

Recent disappointment has led you to become truly introverted. You are becoming suspicious of everybody and consequently you now feel that you are unable to trust anybody. Unfortunately it would appear that you are curbing your natural enthusiasm and imaginative nature - perhaps this is because you are fearful that you may become over enthused and find that you could possibly be carried away by wishful thinking. You are keeping your distance to see whether attitudes towards you are sincere - but this watchfulness could easily develop into suspicion and distrust.

You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front.


http://www.goldinuniverse.com/

somewhere a clock is ticking:
8:53 PM

You know, when you actually take time to step back, have a look around, and see the things going on around you, you actually realise that there is more to life... More to life than people hating you, passing judgement, and not having respect for you. Yes life is a ball... It really is... And the things you get to see happen around you when you actually OBSERVE are pretty amazing. I mean, really...

So I guess Yinghao's method of living life might be quite insightful. You learn a lot. But you're not involved. I guess, being involved is a natural path of life. You have to be if you want to learn. Of course, taking a step back and evaluating the current situation is undoubtedly just as important. Yes yes, evaluate your surroundings. When you're done with your tango, it really isn't over because more people will want to 'have your hand in this dance'. It is not so much whether you accept this or not, rather, you must realise that the more important thing is what you do with what you've got...

somewhere a clock is ticking:
7:46 PM

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